Spider War

I return!

2006-04-13T01:17:00.000-07:00

I have returned from Texas, and I have a few things to report. Yes everything is bigger in Texas and that includes the SPIDERS! Also I saw no less than 3 scorpions and let me tell you right now scorpions YOU ARE ON THE DEATHLIST. None of you are going to be spared in the coming day of reckoning. Also add another weapon to my list, AN ADORABLE PUPPY. Yes soon I will be getting an adorable Australian Shepard puppy, and if she is anything like my previous dog she will enjoy chasing around and eating spiders. It will be good to have a sentry dog at all times, watching over the spider menace so I can feel safe as I sleep. Remember; stay vigilant, stay brave.

Weapons

2006-04-06T22:36:00.000-07:00

Weapons I have found useful against the spider menace:
Shoe: either used to stomp or smash spiders, the shoe is a useful tool that is very widely available.
Rubber Band: The rubber band is a weapon that takes a fair amount of skill to use. It takes a fair amount of practice and discipline to wield it properly. It can be used in one of the well known shooting forms for rubber bands, although I have found the most effective way to shoot a rubber band is by simply stretching it out against your index finger and pulling back. To make sure these are around when I need them I hang them on all door knobs located near known spider hotspots.
Magazine: Can be rolled up, or dropped on a spider and then stepped on, however I feel that the magazine lacks the mass to properly dispatch a spider unless it is used with significant force.
Textbook: A school textbook can simply be dropped from waist height on a spider, this will instantly crush and destroy the spider. Just because you aren't going to read these doesn't mean you can't get some use out of them
Vaccuum Cleaner: Luckily, spiders do not have a hard exoskeleton. Any spider that can be sucked up by a vaccuum will be killed by flying debris inside the chamber and spinning brushes in the vaccuum itself. Smaller keyboard type vaccuums are also useful and easily carried.
Chemicals: I use lemon pledge in an aerosol can to kill spiders all the time, the spray gives it significant range and the spread makes hitting spiders very easy. also the writhing and pain the spider must be in is very satisfying. In the past I have also used liquid soap and windex.

Progress Report

2006-04-06T22:22:00.000-07:00

Tonight I have killed many spiders, all of which were of the creepy white body with pale yellow long legs variety. Searching online I have indentified them as cellar spiders. One, however, has gotten away and it bothers me to no end. During my spring break I plan to bug bomb the entire house to curb the spider population, which has been out of control as of late. The random mess and squalor all around my room has clearly become too habitable for the spiders, and it is high time that a serious change was made regarding spider defenses. I am planning a complete room cleaning and sticky-paper application, with spider repellent and web prevention powder. If its a war the spiders want, it is a war they shall have.

Spider War

2006-04-06T22:11:00.000-07:00

For most of my life, I have been fighting the spider war. Literally, a war against any and all spiders than I encounter. Anytime I see a spider, I kill it. I hate every single spider on earth and want them all to die. They are miserable creatures that deserve death, I kill them without pity or mercy. From this day foward I will log my ongoing war against the spider menace. For too long man has lived in the shadow of creepy ass spiders, walking around in our rooms, biting people, and generally webbing up the place. I emplore every able bodied man, woman and child to band together to end the spider threat once and for all.